I’m sorry, it has been awhile.
Sometimes there’s this anger that comes from a place that I can’t explain. Sometimes this anger comes in a flash and ends in numbing expletives. Sometimes a kicked door. Sometimes silence.
Most times, silence.
I can’t put a finger on the trigger, I never can.
Maybe because there isn’t a trigger, but a transfer. A transfer of this energy throughout my mind in conjunction with the other energies. I can’t pick and choose.
I’ve come to find that I can’t quell this energy, this energy is the result of something else, a combustion of natural positivity into these flames.
Energy is neither created nor destroyed; only transferred or changed from one form into another.
This is displacement.
This is the result of years of building up this wall to keep YOU out and keep (you) in.
Anger is a state of mind. Anger does not dissipate on it’s own. Anger is a salted wound. When will my mind heal or just forget that I’m mad?
Maybe I’m the one who forgot.
I hate that I made (you). Or Me. Or, I don’t know.
I feel as if our silence about things that bother us, subconsciously leads to a buildup of negative, masked emotions. These emotions are unpredictable and unconscious of our current state of mind. These emotions don’t care about how you want them to respond, they come and go as they please. We try to move these negative emotions into parts of our mind that we don’t want to think about, but these parts always find their way to the forefront. By ignoring the issue, we are unconsciously postponing this negative energy for another event. The mask of displacement conceals a growing hoard of this unwanted energy, and since “energy” is neither created nor destroyed, it only means that positivity is being transferred into negativity. I think that these transfers aren’t massive, but rather occur at small flash points that accumulate over time.
Unfortunately, like many other people, I have trained myself to conceal and hold in this negativity allowing for buildup. Pushing it off, like I always have. Hoping that it passes, like phases usually do.
Displacement is my favorite defense, but will I always have somewhere to displace too? I know that expressing my own dissent isn’t a strength of mine, but I understand that is a human necessity, for sake of mind and sanity.
Hopefully someone else can relate.
By Keith Haynie, Editor in Chief